Chapters | Erin's Clishmaclaver

Went to Toronto last weekend to hang out. As usual, saw and ate at some awesome places. Might I suggest a visit to the TIFF Bell Lightbox at 350 King Street West if you haven’t been yet, and try the mushroom soup at The Town Crier pub at 115 John Street.

I never tend to visit book giant Chapters here at home, however the one at 142 John Street is pretty impressive. While I was there I happened across a book that originated with a blog, à la Stuff White People Like. The book is called F U Penguin. I’ll let y’all extrapolate the name of the blog from that.

Without realizing it, I think I was waiting for this book to come out, and I’d wager that applies to a few of you, too. This book rails against Cute Animals Everywhere. E-mails, movies, websites – Matthew Gasteier has left no stone unturned, and nothing adorable is exempt from his wrath and derision.

A few excerpts:

Snow leopards: rare, majestic, dickish

Did you know…? Unlike many other large cats, snow leopards cannot roar. This explains why instead of getting upset when you don’t do something they want you to do, they say something passive aggressive like “Oh, no, don’t worry about it, I’m sure it will just magically take care of itself.”

Thanks for ‘gracing’ us with your presence.

I get it, Whale, you’re busy. I’ve only been on this FUCKING BOAT for three and a half hours waiting for you, and the only thing I’ve seen so far is my lunch from earlier.

Did you know…? Orcas are commonly referred to as “killer whales,” a name they spread themselves so no one would find out that they cried at the end of Titanic.

Rare animals can be a real drag.

I was living my life long before I knew what you were, Long-Eared Jerboa, and I will go on living my life long after I have set you as my desktop picture.

Did you know…? The long-eared jerboa is different from the regular jerboa in one major way, though researchers have yet to determine precisely what that is.

Happy reading! Spread the word!

Canadiana: Canadian things in general, but especially Canadian literature.

When it comes to Canadiana, I am un fanatique complet (us Canucks always use French when we’re trying to achieve haughty emphasis). Finding a new treasure for my already double-stacked shelves provides a rush only rivaled by the discovery I had enough foresight to buy two bottles of wine last night. Or kayaking. Pick one.

The new, Indigo/Chapters/Kobo flyer arrived the other day. Have you seen it? Oh my God, it’s gorgeous. Total bibliophile erotica, twenty-four over-sized pages dripping with earth-toned, name-dropping, lifestyle-pushing titillation. Apparently Ondaatje won the coin toss and got his name on the cover. That’s all right, though; Atwood’s been too busy these days baffling twin buffoons in Toronto to take any notice.

Thing is, buying Ondaatje’s latest alone (The Cat’s Table, $32.00) goes far beyond my monthly book-buying budget, nevermind picking up an embroidered felt loop pillow or two to lean on ($39.50 each) or a hand drawn teardrop glass lamp ($60) to romantically illuminate the pages. Fortunately for me, there is a bounty of used book sellers in this town to choose from. Value Village on Fennell at Upper Wentworth has a surprisingly well-stocked and organized selection, as does Talize on Upper James. Why, just the other day I picked up Stuart McLean’s “Extreme Vinyl Cafe” and Jann Arden’s “i’ll tell you one damn thing, and that’s all i know!” for about three bucks apiece. Take that, Indigo! Better yet – if you aren’t as paper possession-hungry as I, go to the dang library, where they apparently let you leave the premises, borrowed books in hand… for free!

My obsession with Canadian writing officially began in 1999, but there were evidences of it much earlier. However, I was fortunate enough to have a prof named Joe Zezulka who not only taught CanLit, but spoke about it so passionately you’d have to be a zombie not to be changed forever during his lectures. Plus, he refers to Atwood as ‘Peggy.’ Serious cool factor. In his class I learned the names Brand, Vanderhaege, Don McKay, Anderson-Dargatz, Marlatt, Steffler, Wiebe, and a host of others, including lesser-known works by giants of the profession. I found myself, quite literally, home.

I realize that for the most part, I’m preaching to the converted here. I mean, if you like DC Comics first and foremost, or WWII biographies, or burn the midnight oil hunched over tech manuals, then Anakin, you may just be too far gone to consider what I’m proposing here. But if you’ve always held in your heart a tangible but indescribable attachment to your home and native land, then may I suggest you give these voices a chance to bring your country to you in a way no one else can.

My humble recommendations (in no particular order) are listed below. It is nowhere close to being a complete list; think of it as Erin’s Picks, 101. Also, if I hated it or I haven’t actually read it, it ain’t here. If you prefer non-fiction or poetry, drop me a line and I’ll send you some suggestions. For you fellow fanatics, you just know I’ll have left out your favourite (I’m sure I left out some of my own). Don’t cancel our coffee date in a huff – just join the party and leave a reply with your addition(s).

Happy perusing!

The Wars – Timothy Findley (or, on a more lighthearted – sort of – note, Not Wanted On The Voyage)

The Cure for Death by Lightning – Gail Anderson-Dargatz

The Diviners – Margaret Laurence

Solomon Gursky Was Here – Mordecai Richler (I actually loved The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz more, however I realize many of you were forced to read it in school, and therefore picked another)

The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood (or if you can handle a harsher dystopia, try Oryx and Crake)

The Deptford trilogy (Fifth Business, The Manticore, World of Wonder) – Robertson Davies

The Book of Eve – Constance Beresford-Howe (a trilogy, further reading: A Population of One, The Marriage Bed)

Mercy Among The Children – David Adams Richards

The Afterlife of George Cartwright – John Steffler

Burning Water – George Bowering

Shoeless Joe – W.P. Kinsella (or, if you dig short stories, Red Wolf, Red Wolf)

Anne of Green Gables – Lucy Maud Montgomery (it ain’t just for little girls)

Farley Mowat – anything – a specific one of this guy’s novels is near-impossible to suggest. Read the back covers and choose one you like.

The Stone Diaries – Carol Shields (yeah, she was born in the US. But she’s been one of us since the 60s, so I’m claiming her).

In The Skin of a Lion – Michael Ondaatje (or for lovers of the literarily obscure, try The Collected Works of Billy the Kid)

Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town – Stephen Leacock (there’s good reason our national literary humor award has his name on it)